The Anti-Chip-Clip Movement needed a word for the people in it, so here it is. A Sealer.
It is deliberately a little grand for what it describes. That is the point, and I want to be straight about the joke rather than pretend there isn't one.
The scale of this is funny and we know it
This is a chip clip. It is not a cause. Nobody's life improves dramatically. There is no injustice here, there is a two dollar object that stops working in March.
And yet the reason it stops working in March is not an accident, and once you have seen that clearly you cannot really unsee it. Something was designed to last exactly long enough to not be your problem at the till. That is a small version of a thing that is everywhere, and the small version has the advantage of being completely solvable by one person with a printer.
So we are taking the smallest possible grievance entirely seriously. On purpose. With a membership card.
What it actually involves
Nothing. There is no fee, no tier, no points.
A Sealer is somebody who got tired of buying the same thing three times and did something about it, which in this case involves sliding a clip onto a bag. That is the whole initiation.
Membership is open to anyone with a drawer full of broken ones.
If you have an early clip, the insert that came with it is numbered by hand and says so. If you want to do the one optional thing, go and look in that drawer and tell us which ones died on you. We publish the count whether it flatters us or not.
Why there is a name for this at all
Because the alternative is a customer, and a customer is somebody who buys a thing. A Sealer is somebody who agrees with the reason the thing exists.
Those are different and the difference shows up in whether you tell anyone.
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